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Heim Group
P.O. Box 1745
Pacific Palisades, CA 90272
(817) 562-3384
Toll Free (888) 917-7797
Fax (817) 562-3374
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Free Tips 
GenderSpeak Tips for the Workplace
Check back frequently for new Gender Tips each month.
The Situation: You have to work with someone you dislike.
You're responsible for sales and marketing in a midsize publishing house. The degree to which you and your department can perform your jobs well is based on what your computer system can do for you. To date, you've had a second-rate system. You feel as if you're always fighting it.
Marge was hired this past year as the director of information systems. You've heard that she can make a computer sing, but she's arrogant, self-centered, and talks down to people. You're reluctant to make contact with her, let alone ask her for help. What should you do?
The Solution:
For men, close personal relationships are absent from the team equation. Boys want the meanest, roughest kid on the block to play on their team because that will help them win the game. On the other hand, because intimate relationships are so central in the female culture, girls won't play with people they dislike.
This cultural disparity puts you in a double bind. You can be nice to Marge and get the computer system you need (which may feel to you as if you're being manipulative and phony), or you can avoid her and continue struggling with your current set-up.
You don't have to marry Marge; you just need her to fix your computer. Realize that being socially appropriate with her is not necessarily being two-faced. By enlisting her aid, you'll be doing what you can to meet your tracking needs as fast as possible. That, and not Marge's noxious personality, should be your focus.
Rule: Because you need strong players on your team, be prepared to play with people you don't necessarily like.
For more situation gender tips, read Smashing the Glass Ceiling, Tactics for Women Who Want to Win in Business.
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